“Happiness lies for those who cry, those who hurt, those who have searched, and those who have tried for only they can appreciate the importance of people who have touched their lives.”

"Dear universe, fate, destiny, karma & all events that have led me to where I am today...I want to take a minute not to ask for anything from you but simply to say thank you for all that I have. 

I am blessed in abundance with great friends, a supportive family, a loving boyfriend & job that includes co-workers and experiences that warm my soul daily. Even though I still have some rough times ahead I am a believer that everything happens for a reason... I trust that every heartache, disappointment, experience, struggle and achievement will mold me into exactly who I should be and lead me to where I belong."

It has been said that when one's passion dies a part of a persons soul and entire being dies with it too. 

For over two years now I have been in a continual fight against Graves Disease. 

Until recently, I thought it had robbed me of nearly everything that kept my spirit thriving

and permanently labeled me as just another victim of the disease.

There was a time where I was stripped of my job, my passions, life experiences and even organs! Armed with multiple notes from my doctors for time off I still spent months unemployed with no income and a government who told me to sell the only possession that Graves Disease hadn't robbed me of, my car, and live off that money to pay bills. 

I remember the moment when I sat alone in my car in the Service Canada parking lot sobbing uncontrollably knowing I had no income and two upcoming surgeries.

"Life is what happens when your busy making other plans."

Reflecting on the possibility of parting with the only item I could still call my own to keep afloat was when I truly understood what 'hopeless' felt like. I wasn't sad at the idea of loosing another possession to Graves Disease...I was used to that after two years...it was that my scratched up well lived in Chev Cobalt (affectionately named "Big Red") was symbolic of the last spark of light in my soul that was keeping the fight in me going. 

After a good fifteen minute cry in a parking lot, oblivious to the dozens of people walking by watching me, I wiped my tears and decided I wasn't going to be labeled another Graves Disease casualty. 

I promised myself that this was going to be a building block and learning experience to who I was going to be as a person in life. I made a pledge to myself on that day that when I got better I would give 110% at whatever I did; help as many people as I could; appreciate even the most minuscule good in my day; and rebuild myself stronger than ever mentally, physically and financially. 

Because after all;

Sometimes you have to be knocked down lower than you have
ever been to stand up taller than you ever were ;)


("Big Red")

"When one door closes another door opens; we often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door, that we do not see the ones which have been opened for us."

I have always been a firm believer that good things come to those who wait and I'm elated to share with my readers that my expectations have been exceeded in these last few weeks of my life. 

If you read my blog regularly, you have witnessed my emotional up's & downs, my multiple surgeries, the development and conquering of new medical problems along with the pain and growth during my illness.

It was one month post eye decompression surgery when seemingly out of no where an angel reached out to me and offered me the opportunity to change my life. Her name is Deb Cautley and she runs the Youth Empowerment and Support Services in Edmonton. 

Deb invited me for lunch to tour the buildings that are fundamental in improving and guiding the lives of youth who come from difficult realities and by the end of our meeting I walked out with a job. 

Neither of us knew exactly what I was going to be doing there but Deb was adamant on just having my energy there after reading my blog over the last several months.

I have been employed at YESS for a few weeks now and I don't just feel like a worker there; I ultimately inherited another family. I have amazing people who have embraced me with open arms and accept me as I am. I am reminded almost daily that I am making a difference and always welcomed with a hug and smile when I walk into managements offices. 

After being rejected multiple times while applying for jobs when mentioning that I still have another surgery in October, Deb was a breath of fresh air assuring me that YESS would support me during that time. Most of the staff is aware of my blog or have read it so after the first two weeks I didn't feel as self conscious walking around with eyes that always look surprised.
(However I must say- I am becoming quite the master at disguising them!)

I credit Deb and the whole YESS organization for rekindling my passion for life and most importantly for being the reason I have the strength to keep fighting this disease. I now have a beautiful office to call my own and something to look forward to each and everyday.


(my office)

That being said I am reminded daily that I still face challenges medically. I have recently been put on another heart pill to control the chest pain I get multiple times weekly. I still have SVT (constant rapid heart rate) that I take pills to control but it remains a huge energy drain and i often nap as soon as I get home from work. 

The double vision the doctor said should go away hasn't and when I look any way other than forward, things are blurry. I have not felt pretty since the day before my last surgery. My double vision is at its most extreme when I try to look in the mirror and I can never apply make up evenly, or properly, with my limited vision of it. I also never feel fully engaged in any situation or converstation anymore because with things always looking blurry, I can never feel connected to the moment.

I am only about 30 days away from my next surgery, blepharoplasty. The anxiety of getting a surgical procedure for 1-3 hours while awake is setting in heavier with each passing day. I will spare you the gruesome details if you have a weak stomach but if you want to learn more click below.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Blepharoplasty

This disease has tried to kill me, to blind me, left me with funny looking eyes, made my hair fall out, taken my organs, marked me with multiple scars, completely changed my life and people continually ask me how I stay so positive.

Simple...I'm still here.

I also wanted to share my most recent accomplishment; being nominated for The Woman of the Year FIERCE awards. It is an honor to even be considered for an award like this when you see all the amazing women (including my boss Deb Cautley!) who are also nominated.

This blessing was made entirely possible by another angel, Debra Ward, who took the time (unbeknownst to me!) to put together all required information needed to qualify.

Since she has done so much for me and is an avid reader of mine, I wanted to ensure she now has her own permanent section on here! :)

I am forever grateful for her endless support and encouraging words.
 Thanks for everything Debra!!

http://youarefierce.com

I feel so lucky to have been given a second chance to learn, love, appreciate, forgive, and accomplish great things. I am surrounded by some of the coolest, most awesome, CARING people alive. 

The emails, notes, cards, and messages I have received over these last two years, but mostly this last month especially, has amazed me. So a big THANK YOU to everyone (you know who you are!) for taking the time to congratulate me on my new job and award nomination. 

Your kindness is cherished and encourages me to keep going in my mission to raise awareness for Graves Disease. I truly wouldn't have gotten to where I am today without all the help from those who reached out to me.

As always, a special thanks to my family and my boyfriend for showering me with endless love. Thank you for being my biggest cheerleaders and supporters. [M.F, K.F, L.F, J.P, A.T]

I hope that if you are struggling with something in your life right now that you find the inspiration and strength needed to overcome all obstacles, wherever it may come from. 

If I could pass along any wisdom I have aquired while battleing this illness; it would be to never take today for granted. The only time that we are promised is this very second and it is up to you to make the most of it.

I will be back at the end of next month to update with pictures post surgery.

Here's to being one step further along my journey in the fight against Graves Disease!

“To get through the hardest journey we need take only one step at a time,
but we must keep on stepping”


-Rayanne