"Let your faith be bigger than your fears."

February 15th, 1:43pm: My cell phone rings.

A completely unexpected call came in; although I had spent the last year of my life waiting for it.

It's safe to say when you see a doctor’s name on your caller I.D; it's never for a good reason.

This call was no exception either.

The nurse on the other side of the phone tells me that my number in line waiting for surgery is up.

She asks me to write down the date "March 12th"

That day will mark surgery number six for me since I've been diagnosed with Graves Disease.

SIX surgeries? I will officially have more surgeries than most people have pairs of shoes!

The surgery is a reconstruction version of a ‘blepharospasty’ and is supposed to erase the last out wards reminder that this illness has written on my body. 

Basically; they will try to repair my eyes that have been stretched from the bulging I experienced prior to my orbital decompression surgery.

My surgeon will be essentially cutting a ‘crease’ back into my eye and removing all the excess skin/tissues that has pooled up over my eyes as a result of the up’s and downs of this disease. 

It's actually my second attempt at the surgery because I wouldn't freeze properly the first time on October 18th 2012 and it was subsequently cancelled half way through. 

I remember feeling the doctor injecting numbing needles six times in each eye, I felt and saw him sewing through my eyelids and I felt the blazing hot blood cauterize grazing the bottom of my eyelids repeatedly. 

The trauma to the area made my eyes bleed multiple times while healing; which ended up being a great Halloween party trick!

I can’t lie though; I've shed more than a few tears thinking about that day. I felt so let down and disappointed that I wasn't physically able to complete something I wanted SO BAD. 

It still goes without saying though; I'm admittedly a little terrified to try it again.

Yet I’m trying to focus on all the positives that will result from the surgery.

No more 'surprised' looking eyes and no more uncomfortable ‘anime-esque’ circle lenses to try and hide what I don't want other people to see.

 

But most importantly to me; no more strangers making hurtful comments about what they think of my eyes.

I’m ready to give up the whispers, the constant wondering and the rude observances people feel the need to share with me about why my eyes look the way that they do.

Are funny looking eyes the worst thing in the world? Absolutely not, but when it’s the first thing people look at; I get a little tired of feeling obligated to give people the answer their looking for. 

Its also tough accepting this new appearance I didn't ask for.

This surgery will hopefully finally erase the last “Graves Disease Badge” that I’m forced to wear every day. 

Plus; I haven’t actually been able to close my eyes all the way for the last two years so when I wake up I usually have an uncomfortable hard patch in my eye from it drying out which I am looking forward to being fixed.

While I will still be awake and responsive like the last time they tried to fix my eyes; I'll be less coherent... Hopefully. They are going to try a different type of anesthesia to calm me down. 

The risks of the surgery include permanent injuries including blindness and the risk of my eyelids sitting at different places during healing that would result in more surgeries to fix in the future. 

As always; I will take lots of pictures to be posted afterwards to let you know how it goes.

I've also been experiencing more concerning heart problems within the last few months. 

If I’m being honest; sometimes it just feels like I spend my days waiting for the next problem to develop and some days I feel lucky when I even have enough energy to get out of bed.

After countless doctor and emergency room visits while suffering unexplained heart pain; a recent visit with my cardiologist has finally given me some answers. 

I’m talking the ‘drop you to your knees, heart stopping, hard to breath’ kind of pain when trying to describe what I feel when it happens. 

Often being told they can’t find anything wrong and sent home; my cardiologist decided to test my 'C-Reactive Protein' or (CRP) blood level during an episode of chest pain and found out that I get swelling around my heart. 

One of the most obvious reasons that it took so long to discover the problem was because it is such a rare occurrence in people my age that doctor's usually don’t test for it. 

I am so thankful to be under the care of a cardiologist that took an (admittedly reluctant) chance at testing me for something that ‘shouldn't be’. 

I think were both going to be equally surprised with the diagnosis and treatment plan as she has likely not dealt with this specific problem in relation to Graves Disease much before.

While it’s great to finally have an answer; it’s a scary diagnosis. 

Swelling/Inflammation around your heart almost guarantees heart disease and heart attacks as you age.

Because I am learning as I go; I am starting to wonder when ‘that age’ will be.

Will this happen when I am 30, 40, 50...sooner? 

Because of the massive wait list at the Mazankowski Heart Institute; I am still waiting to attend my follow up appointment to talk about treatment options going forward. 

Since the swelling occurs randomly and suddenly; it will be nice to discuss the option of having a medication to control the pain associated with it. 

I will continue to update my blog with new heart information as I learn it myself. 

I’m so grateful for all my supportive friends, family and four legged pal Lola that have been at my side when I needed it most.

No matter what happens in the future, I will be take on each day with my head held high and a smile on my face because I’m truly thankful to have been granted another day to make a difference.

It has been said that the two most important days in your life are the day you're born and the day you find out why.

Sometimes I just sit back and grin at how much this roller coaster of a ride has enriched my life no matter how dark some days might seem.

Lastly; I wanted to share my newest endeavor with you... 

The Graves Disease Foundation of Edmonton is close to being ready for business! Check out this screenshot of my new website! Once fully established; I will start fundraising so that others effected by this illness will be able to apply for funding to cover their medical expenses!

(Did you know? Eye drops that help those affected by Graves Disease cost $500.00 a month! My heart pills also cost just over $4,000 a year! Can you see why we need to help?!)

Please don’t forget to ‘like’ and 'follow' our group on Facebook/Twitter for updates on our next support meeting in Edmonton.

While I am still 'cooling off' from being named one of Edmonton's "Sizzling Twenty Under 30" (haha, get it?) a few months ago; 

I have also recently been named a finalist in the WEGO Health Activist Awards for this blog! 

A HUGE thank you to the nearly 35,000+ readers world wide who have helped me earn this wonderful title!

Now that you’re all caught up to date with my Graves Disease journey; wish me luck friends!

I will see you once I’m all fixed up again!

Love always; 

Rayanne