“Everything in life is temporary. So if things are going good, enjoy it because it won’t last forever. If things are going bad, don’t worry, it can’t last forever either.”

Rayanne’s 10 Commandments when dealing with an illness;


1. Thou shall welcome & accept all new changes in life, whether or not they were expected.

2. Thou shall understand that anything worth having does not come easy.

3. Thou shall be braver and stronger after each needle.

4. Thou shall accept that it's ok to cry, and that tears do not represent weakness.

5. Thou shall share wisdom gained through your experiences with others.

6. Thou shall remember to tell loved ones how much they mean to you regularly.

7. Thou shall wear scars proudly as a reminder of how strong you are.

8. Thou shall remember that if you’re in pain, it doesn't give you the right to be a pain to others. (As the great Maya Angelou once said!)

9. Thou shall show compassion to strangers, for you never know what they're battling.

10. Thou shall understand everything will be ok in the end, & if it’s not- then it isn't the end.


My favorite, and little known 11th commandment, is as follows;


"Thou shall not blog on a day when you are feeling down."


I am about to break that rule today.


Just as much as I write for other peoples reading pleasure, I post blog entries to remind myself of the up's & down's of my days. I would never want to sugar coat this disease for anyone reading for informational purposes.


As I write this, I am 5 hours into sitting on an uncomfortable paper covered hospital bed in the Misercordia Hospital waiting to speak with the anesthesiologist who will put me to sleep before my surgery in 4 days.
                                                         My writing headquarters

After a brief discussion, she tells me that my usual 'day surgery' to remove my gallbladder is being extended to an overnight stay due to the risky nature of putting someone with a heart problem under anesthetic. There was also worry about making sure that I don't get sick after the procedure (as I have been every other surgery) because of the pressure it would put on my already bulgy Graves eyes.


Staying positive is so hard some days.

One of those days was yesterday. If you have ever used our governments EI System (unemployment pay due to illness or job loss) you know two things; they treat you like garbage & they pay you the bare minimum.


One of my worst memories through dealing with these illnesses was sitting at Service Canada the other day in a dark, crowded, dirty room with homeless people on one side of me & immigrants who spoke loudly in other languages on the other side of me.


It is no secret that many people misuse & abuse the payment system and all of the government workers I've spoken to through this process have treated me as a worthless person who lives off the system. I have also had to fight many times for the little pay that they give me.


I sat with tears streaming down my face & thought; How did my life get to this?


Where did I go wrong?


It is one of the hardest things in the world to not blame yourself when things don't end up how you wanted them to be. Never did I expect this to be my life or where I was going to end up when they made me create my 'five year plan' in high school.


The days are becoming more frequent where I stay home due to eye swelling and the embarrassment that comes with it.


Worrying about the surgeries with the unknown outcome is incredibly stressful. Not knowing about the certainty of my future and what I am going to do between the next 2 surgeries for work keeps me up at night.


I have crying spells a little more often than I would like to admit. The discomfort/pain is making me feel a little less sane each day. I am mentally, physically & emotionally drained.

If this is the big guy upstairs way of making me ‘tough as nails’ – its working!


But alas; the light at the end of the tunnel.


In a world where you can either wither away by drowning in your sorrows or surround yourself with positive things; I choose to do just that. As I have mentioned before, life tends to throw curveballs and make things difficult so that we can truly appreciate all the good when it comes our way.


So, to honor the 6th Commandment; Thou shall remember to tell loved ones how much they mean to you regularly

Thank you to my Dad, Mom & Sister for lending a listening ear when I needed to vent or asked for advice. Thanks for the endless flow of support and always letting me know that things will be ok. I have felt lonely and helpless many times but was always quickly reminded that I will receive the best treatment possible – no matter the cost.


You have been my saviors, my best friend and my family.


I love you!

"Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could. Some blunders and absurdities no doubt crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day; begin it well and serenely and with too high a spirit to be cumbered with your old nonsense."


-Rayanne