"Sometimes you need to be knocked down lower than you have ever been to stand up taller than you ever were."

I am now exactly 2 weeks post-operation to remove my gallbladder and giving Frankenstein a run for his money, as I now have 6 incision scars between my neck & waist.

“There is something beautiful about all scars of whatever nature. A scar means the hurt is over, the wound is closed and healed, done with.”

(click to enlarge)

A few weeks ago, I was out with my Dad at his business meetings and two people who I had never met before came up to me, introduced themselves & complimented me on my blog. It is such a surreal feeling when you walk into a room where someone knows almost everything about you but you don't know anything, other than their name, about them.

 I am so blessed to have the readers that I do. I always thought celebrities sounded so artificial saying "I have the best fans in the world!" but on a much smaller scale, I truly understand because I have the best READERS in the world!

The emails, Facebook & Twitter messages I’ve gotten, along with face to face conversations I've had in regards to what I have written on here astound me.

The more people that I meet who know my story, the more I hear amazing compliments that I never expected.

Most people enjoy compliments such as "you’re beautiful" or "I love your ___"

I fondly remember the best two compliments I've received in the last few years.

"I had NO idea you were sick;"

often accompanied by a complete look of shock on their face.

Or;

"I don't understand how you stay so happy;"

along with the many other variations of that phrase.

I never fully understood what it was about my story that made people mention their new found appreciation of their own lives. Nor did I comprehended their desire to send me the beautifully crafted notes that they so gracefully took the time to write because I never felt like I had done anything different than another person would do if they were in my shoes.

That's when I realized I had been missing out on the most important thing in life.

Celebrating.

I never went to my high school graduation, or celebrated getting my license, or went to my college graduation. I never threw a big birthday party either.

Realizing that I haven't been celebrating all the milestones I've accomplished to date de-values all the strength it took to go through everything so far.

The most important thing I've learned throughout the disease is to appreciate the little things in your day that make you smile because the next day can put you through another stressful, trying, painful, hopelessly dark situation.

While these may seem like odd things for someone to celebrate, this is my list of what I am most proud of. So here is a virtual CHEERS to myself for getting through a Graves Disease diagnosis, a heart condition diagnosis, open repair hernia surgery, a total thyroidectomy, a gallbladder removal, literally hundreds of needles & a horrific car accident… all in just under 2 years.

After several hospital trips monthly, my family & I all counted our blessings in February of 2012 that I had made it a full 365 days without going back after my thyroid removal.
(Minus new tests & specialist visits!)

I am on day 14 of re-starting that countdown.

Unfortunately the excitement that the countdown holds for me already has a big black cloud surrounding it.

The hardest decision most people my age have to make is what bar to visit on the weekend. While I am proud of what I've accomplished so far, I am terrified of my next big decision.

In 10 months I will be eligible to get my eye decompression surgery. While I complain a lot about the appearance of my eyes in my blog, getting the surgery is for more than just beauty. I sleep with ‘Eye Vaseline’ in my eyes nightly because one of them is so bulgy that it doesn’t even close all the way anymore and gets dried out easily. This isn't a simple surgery, as it takes many hours to complete. It is an uncommon and highly specialized operation that only two Doctors in Edmonton are capable of completing and the risks are real. The decision to free myself of the daily inexplicable pain is being weighed down by the unimaginable;

A list of the risks of the surgery:

- Bruising/Infection

-Scars/Swelling

-Asymmetry of eye position

-New on-set of double vision (that may be permanent)

-Numbness in cheeks/lips

-Blood clots

-Airway problems

-Additional surgery in future

-Leaking of fluid in the brain

-Brain hemorrhage  

The principle I cherish most in life is that time heals all wounds.

Not only does it cure the physical scars, the beauty of it is that even if you don’t know the answer to the question that is causing you to emotionally hurt today, it will come to you eventually. Perhaps it will be through a dream, encouraging words from a friend or even an epiphany of your own.

Put yourself in a state of mind where you say to yourself, “Here is an opportunity for you to celebrate like never before, my own power and my own ability to get myself to do whatever is necessary.”
 

I would like to end this is a new, unique way. At the bottom of each blog I post, there is an option to leave a message. You can choose to identify yourself or leave a comment completely anonymous.

You are invited to join me in my virtual celebration by adding on to my list of
“Things I’ve done that I wish I had Celebrated.”

Whether it was BIG or small, a promotion at work, finishing something you have been working on for years or just getting through a difficult time in your life; POST IT!



I look forward to hearing from you and again 'thanks' for reading/sharing my blog!

-Rayanne